Before I got testosterone prescribed by an endocrinologist, I had to sign informed consent.
The problem is, that it seems to be quite impossible to fully understand what you’re consenting to. And no one was able to explain me all of it.I fully understood the physical consequences that I could expect, that were known. I knew about the facial hair, body hair, balding patterns, libido, oily skin, muscle mass, probably becoming infertile, fat distribution, acne, clitoral growth, change of body odor, etc. I had researched it all, for years.
I also understood that the hormones wouldn’t exactly change my personality, but that they could change the way I felt things and how I’d react. I understood it could become harder for me to cry, that I might get angry easier and that emotions and events could affect me less or more intensely.What I didn’t realize, is that one day, I might actually meet women
that are just like me (in real life!), but don’t change their bodies.
And what I definitely didn’t understand was that these women and
lesbians would not recognize me, but see me as a cisgender man instead.
And treat me as such.
No one could have explained me what this feels like.I did not understand at that time, that when I consented to being assigned to use male bathrooms forever, it didn’t just mean that I would never get angry and disgusted stares from women anymore. No one told me that in many cases, the stall is closed/non-existent/too exposed, or so dirty that I can’t sit. No one told me that if you very often don’t sit or try to pee as little and as quickly as possible, you can get some trouble with your pelvic muscles. I have problems with relaxing in any kind of situation now.
No one told me that taking testosterone could make me feel even more alienated from both men and women.
No one told me that straight women being attracted to me feels very different from lesbian women being attracted to me.
What I didn’t understand was that I could one day change my mind, and stop taking any kind of hormones.
I also didn’t realize that I’d become sincerely afraid of the tissue of my reproductive organs being changed in some kind of way by the high levels of testosterone. In a way that’s dangerous to my health.No one could tell me that I hadn’t met the right people yet, before I could make a proper informed decision.
No one reminded me that until that point, nobody had really loved me romantically exactly for the way I am. I had only been loved despite my butchness, or despite my body. And nobody told me that it is actually possible to be loved and desired the way I was, in a way that I could believe.Nobody ever told me that it wasn’t necessary to take testosterone if I wanted to get a double mastectomy.
I couldn’t know that I consented to something I could actually regret.
I didn’t know I consented to something that would at some point make me feel like I betrayed myself, and the girls like me.I didn’t understand what I consented to and I don’t think that that endocrinologist will ever be able to understand this.
I am not against informed consent. But there has to be some kind of way to improve the information and the deeper understanding of the consequences.
Tag: trans
This is the fabulous trans lobster of luminous gender. She only appears once every ten thousand years. Gender affirmation will come to u but only if u comment A R T H R O P O D
Some trans pride Halloween merch from NerdyKeppie!
The Transgender Rite of Ancestor Elevation: FAQ
What is it?
- a nine-day, non-denominational ritual honoring transgender individuals who have passed on
- an act of solidarity with the lineage of transgender ancestors who have come before us and paved the way, as well as with the descendents who will come after us when we are gone
- a chance to share tenderness and kindness with the restless spirits of transgender people who lost their lives to violence
- an opportunity for living transgender folks, including those who have lost trans loved ones, to grieve, mourn, and pray
- a labor of love from a multiracial group of trans spirit workers, each at various stages of study in ancestor veneration practices, who have been putting on this ritual since 2014
★ Nov 12-20, 2018 ★
We’re just under a week out from the 2018 starting date – our fifth year of organizing this ritual – and we hope that you will join us. Please reblog to help others find us.
It’s that time of year again, folks.
My transgender sterilization, or why my consent meant nothing.
In 2009 I was sterilized against my will.
And it didn’t happen the way I expected. I wasn’t strapped to a bed or dragged screaming into an operating room. If that had been the case, at least I would have had an easier time understanding what happened to me.
Instead it was the slow mounting of circumstances. I was told that without proof of sterilization, I couldn’t change the gender marker on my passport. I learned that without that change I couldn’t find a job. I couldn’t go to a bank, hospital or dentist without being publically humiliated as I was forced to explain the discrepancy on my passport. I couldn’t get through passport control to leave my country. I couldn’t safely go to a bar at night. And since I didn’t get sterilized, doctors doubted my ‘commitment’ to being transgender and refused access to further transition related care.
Eventually I gave in. I needed to get on with my life. I was done screaming, crying, fighting. I made my appointment, packed up my own bag for a 3 day stay at the hospital and checked myself in for my own sterilization. The one I really did not want.
When I made my appointment, when I checked myself in, when I went through preparation for surgery, I must have signed over half a dozen consent forms. It seemed that at every turn there was a new form for me to sign saying that I did in fact want this. That I was giving my full informed consent to the procedure. I’ve had other surgeries that did not involve this pile of paper work and looking back, I’m sure all that extra attention to consent was there precisely because I was being forced into this position. I was being sterilized against my will, but I had to put on a performance of consent so the agents within the system could never be held accountable. I do not know if the nurse who handed me my 5th consent form and prepped my for my surgery knew that I really wanted to run out of that hospital. I don’t know if she knew that I felt broken, defeated, hopeless. Sometimes I feel guilty about allowing her to be an unknowing participant in my violation.
I hated the consent forms more than anything.
I had the surgery and I went on, as I did before, to campaign against sterilization as a requirement for legal gender recognition. And in 2014 sterilization ceased to be a requirement for legal gender recognition in the Netherlands, where I live. I celebrated that day. I am really happy that the next generation of transgender people will not have to go through the same thing.
But I never forgot what had happened to me or considered it a finished chapter. I never forgot that consent can be a performance, enforced to cover up a great coercion. I never forgot that the participants in a consent violation, doctors and nurses in my case, may not even be aware of their role because they did not witness the coercion taking place. They did not see how my options were limited until I got to this point. Consent can be a choice made because all the other roads you would choose are blocked. Consent can be the mask violation wears. And I am very skeptical when I see consent hailed as the highest standard for ethical conduct. So there is a ‘yes’, maybe even an eager, informed ‘yes’. But what’s the rest of the story? Where there are those with power and those without it, consent is not a good measure for whether abuse occurs.
I am sure others are at this very moment signing consent forms or saying ‘yes’ to things they really do not want.
why do they make people do this?
Because they believe we can’t be good parents.
Because they want us to suffer to prove the validity of our identity.
Because they believe who we are is wrong and they hope to eradicate us.
Thanks for replying. What fake reasons do they give for it? Or do they just straight up and blatantly argue that trans people shouldn’t have children?
Fake reasons doctors give:
- These hormones will give you cancer if you keep your testes / ovaries (even though there is zero proof that the risk of cancer is higher than in cis people who produce their own hormones)
- If you were really trans, you’d want to get rid of this part of your body.
- This is necessary for the other surgery you want. (often blatantly untrue!)
Truthful reasons doctors give:
- Hormone therapy for trans women is much more intense and unhealthy if their body is still making testosterone too. (but they often tell that without going into the option of freezing sperm)
- Hormone therapy for trans men is slightly healthier and slightly more effective after sterilisation.
- You won’t get your passport changed if you don’t go through with this surgery. (really, doctors don’t even have to lie, this right here is cruel and dangerous enough to make many trans people go through with the surgery.)
Truthful things doctors don’t tell you:
- Once you get sterilized, you’ll be dependent on medical hormones to survive. Natural retransition won’t be an option and if at any time the hormone supplies run low (which actually happens, because pharmaceutical companies don’t prioritize that stuff) you’ll run immediate health risks.
- The (minor) long term health risks that I’ve told you about don’t mean you have to get sterilized now. You could have children within the next decade and then get that sterilization to have a healthier old age.
Fake reasons politicians use to uphold the law:
- Pregnant fathers and sperm-providing mothers will upset our entire legal system and will be super confusing for children! Trans existence is too scary for our vulnerable youth and lawyers.
I never forgot that consent can be a performance, enforced to cover up a great coercion…. Consent can be a choice made because all the other roads you would choose are blocked. Consent can be the mask violation wears.
We used to have a similar law here in Sweden until 2013. Now you don’t have to be sterilised and anyone that where sterilised is offers a compensation. I hope the Netherlands will do the same for you
https://www.google.se/amp/mobile.reuters.com/article/amp/idUSKBN16Y1XA
Why do gay guys date trans guys if trans guys don’t have dicks ?
Didn’t you watch Mulan? They sang a whole ass song about being a man and what you need. A Dick was not one of the included attributes.
And idk maybe those gay men aren’t transphobic and are perfectly fine with whatever genitals their partner has. W i l d but just a simple thought.
all these truscum/transmed blogs are by like… 16-yr-olds
who is telling these children this bullshit
and can they stop
@onionjuggler augh that’s really true. I was also very vocal when I thought I had an important piece of information that others were ~ignorant~ of. I guess it’s probably somewhat universal?
I wonder what the solution is. cuz like, if I was convinced, and had been given information in the context of “people will argue with you because they don’t want to HEAR the TRUTH”… I probably would have argued righteously and not really listened at all. hmm hmm.
all these truscum/transmed blogs are by like… 16-yr-olds
who is telling these children this bullshit
and can they stop
Did you know? – T edition
So I’ve been on T for a long time and had my own number of concerns and worries so here’s some stuff my docs have cleared up over the year.
– having air in the needle isn’t going to kill you, but can cause discomfort.
– it’ll sting more if there’s T on the needle
– if your shot leaves a bump or residual pain, applying heat (like a heatpad) can help.
– Don’t use the same needle to pull the T that you use to inject with, the needle has been dulled.
– Subcutaneous shots work just as well and intramuscular and you don’t need as thick nor long a needle.
– When your voice starts changing it can feel like you have a cold for a while.
-you can still get pregnant while on T
Feel free to add your own!
-your face is going to break out. Like really bad.
-its normal to get cranky around shot time!
-there are alternative methods to shots! You do not have to inject your testosterone.
-if you do inject, ask for a prescription for your needles and syringes. It’ll save money
-your fat deposits are going to move around. Mainly to your stomach
-draw up your testosterone with a larger needle. This helps to reduce air bubbles (which as stated above are not going to kill you but can be uncomfortable)
– you might start having breakouts on your BODY. as my thighs and arms started getting hairier i kept breaking out there. thankfully it’s going away now but it was not fun
– disinfect your shot site at least 10 seconds before you do your shot or it’ll sting like a motherfucker
– it’s not really a big deal if you bleed after your shot but it’s not ideal. unless there’s a lot you’re okay, you just nicked something
– you might get prescribed syringes that come with a needle already attached. that’s me. they don’t get that much duller, but there is definitely a difference. if you can get the 2 needles + a syringe combo that’s the best not only bc of the sharpness factor but also bc of you have to use one needle for both it’ll take a hundred years to draw it into the syringe. mine also retract back into the syringe when you press the plunger all the way in. it’s scary but cool
– use your thumb to push it in, if you try doing it with your index finger it will take ages and you’ll get nervous and that’s gonna suck when you have a needle in your stomach/whatever body part you inject in
– the slower you go the more it will hurt, don’t think about it just stick it in
– like you will get just so oily. i used to be able to get away with only washing my face once a day in the shower but now i have to wash it twice a day MINIMUM. with dedicated face wash (lush’s kalamazoo is great). if you’re a lazy gremlin like me please figure out your face wash routine early on, or you will suffer. it feels really gross to have oil physically slick up your skin
– you will also start smelling different! you will probably notice it, but you might not. this happens pretty early on
– you will be just So Thirsty. you might also sweat more. i didnt, but was thirsty regardless.
– things happen in different order for different people. personally i haven’t noticed any sort of fat depositing differences, but 3 months in i am noticeably more fluffy and my voice feels like it’s about to crack a little, probably. my face still looks pretty much the same except for the acne lol. you might get different things first
– if you used to get away with only showering every other day like me or even less often that might change, now i get gross so fast i can’t do that
– your libido Will increase . and you will notice
– speaking of that, bc at the risk of this getting awkward i think this is kinda important bc people don’t REALLY talk abt this, the t consent form will have stuff like “you May get vaginal atrophy/things may get really dry/you might not be able to achieve multiple orgasms anymore if you used to be able to” and that’s possible but none of those things might apply to you. it really, really depends on the person. it can literally do the opposite as well. also, you will have Growth, and you will have to pay more attention to hygiene down there in ways that are just like a person with an uncircumcised penis would. or you will not have a good time.
– subcutaneous shots should distribute t more evenly than intramuscular and thus reduce ups and downs close to the next shot day, but you might still have lows on the two or three days before your next shot, especially if you have underlying mood disorder issues. that’s normal, it should even out. you might also have to adjust any kind of medication you’re on
– you might gain a lot of weight. you might also not. you should find it easier to gain muscle, but it might take some time and the specifics vary
– t might fuck up your period really badly before it stops them. mine used to be 4 to 5 days, medium to heavy, and cramp heavy on the first day. after two weeks on t the period i had was 7 days long, incredibly light, and completely painless. i had to do some shitty DIYing with my shots after 5 weeks because i started running out bc the receptionist at pp wouldn’t make me another appointment (different story) and stretching my shots to be every 9 days instead of every 7 made me just slightly bleed basically the entire time i was doing that, and after my dose got bumped from 50 to 75mg weekly i had an 8 day period. so like. please be prepared for some complete Nonsense (probably if you bleed between your periods you should tell ur dr but mine was definitely because i fucked with my hormone levels)
– t will not make you angrier, more violent, or a different person. i have noticed no emotional differences, except for being happier. i also always feel better 20-30 mins after my shot
– please don’t get discouraged if it takes a while to see any changes. again, i’m three months in and all i have going on for me are thirst, body hair, oily face, acne, and increased libido (also possibly cracking voice but well see about that lol). that’s normal. it depends on the person. try not to compare yourself to other people.
– also feel free to ask questions if u want @ followers or anyone else ??
– if you accidentally shoot into a vein, you aren’t gonna die but you ARE gonna feel like ASS and maybe vomit and DEFINITELY have dizziness/nausea/vertigo. I have done it exactly once and several people I told about it had thought it was a myth, so at least it doesn’t seem to be very common.
– T toughens your skin, so the longer you’re on it the more you have to push to get the needle through. almost as cruel an irony as spiro being a diuretic…
– everybody told me to expect more energy on T but it hit me like a train. I had severe exhaustion while we were figuring out my dose. I suspect this is less of a problem for younger folks – I am 33 and have been on T about a year, whereas most other accounts I’ve read are from people starting in their early to mid 20s. just more incentive to start early if you’re ready.
“scratch a transphobe and a misogynist bleeds”
siobhan o’leary gives us a brilliant deconstruction of transphobia, and transmisogyny specifically
Source: https://twitter.com/siobhanftb/status/1020309083423821825?s=21
This is some scalding hot fucking tea and I’m here for it.
alder-knight 