Ever gotten stung by a bee? Bitten by a spider that had some pain juice in its bitey parts? Brushed against some stinging nettle? Had a mosquito suck your lifejuice from your body and leave a present behind?
This is your time. Yes, indeed. In this post, I shall empower you to pick a leaf off the ground…. and chew it up. And spit it back out. Onto yourself.
[Disclaimer: if you get bitten by something real bad, do not pick a leaf off the ground. Pick up a phone. Call an ambulance. Go to the doctor.]
Have you ever seen
THIS WEED?
It grows in many places. It is your friend. It wants to help you. Sometimes it is big, sometimes it is small. It is called
Broadleaf Plantain
Broadleaf Plantain is edible, click the link if you don’t believe me, do your own research, it is 100% non toxic. Although it tastes real bad. Don’t eat it, unless you want to, I guess.
Grows all over. Which is good. Now getting to the spitting-on-yourself part.
Broadleaf Plantain
has healing properties! According to Wikipedia which is not a reliable source according to all my teachers, the active chemical constituents are aucubin (an anti-microbial agent), allantoin (which stimulates cellular growth and tissue regeneration), and mucilage (which reduces pain and discomfort).
I just plagiarized. Sorry Mr. Stearns.
Okay so on the not-wikipedia front, this has helped me with
a spider bite
a bee sting
a burn
blisters
stinging nettle
mosquito bites
The bee sting was today, on the bottom of my foot, and I used it and bam was walking (with only a tad bit of discomfort) within 10 minutes. 5-10 but I don’t want false advertisement
Mosquito bites? I was hanging with some family in the mountains and the mosquitoes were EVERYWHERE and everyone was getting bitten. And I was like, I know a plant
But! I wasn’t sure if it grew around there. So I looked, made no promises, found a bunch of scrawny lil buggers growing in the gravel. “you don’t need your leaves,” I said, and stole them.
Okay so. So. spitting on yourself. Let’s get there. Do you know what a poultice is? No? Okay here’s what:
it’s mushed up plants that serves a purpose. The purpose of plantain, as I said earlier, is to stop those damn bug bites from being so itchy and/or painful.
There are two ways to make a poultice: get get leaf, put on rock, add a bit of water, and mash into tiny tiny mush, or the more convenient version:
CHEW IT UP! STICK THAT MOFO IN YOUR MOUTH AND CHEW! YOU NEED NO WATER, YOU HAVE SALIVA! YOU NEED NO ROCKS, YOU HAVE MOLARS!
Then once it’s nice and ground up get that plant out of your mouth and slap it on the bug bite. It should be pretty moist (the juices are what help so much) but not so much that it’s going to drip off you. It should kinda stick. Use another leaf, or tape or something to keep it there if need be.
Does it look kinda like this? Great! Ya done did it!
With those mosquito bites I mentioned, it reduced swelling the size of a quarter in about 20 minutes! The guests loved it! You get real popular because you saved them from pain! I used the “styrofoam plate, knife, add water, try your best” method for them because saliva was a big no no and everyone wanted it real hygienic. Don’t fool yourself. Saliva itself has slight antimicrobial properties so it’s for the best, anyway.
Haven’t seen that plant? Well have you seen
Narrowleaf Plantain?
Narrowleaf Plantain has the same properties and it looks like this:
Young man, there’s no need to feel down
I said young man, chew a leaf off the ground
The next time you get bitten by one of mother nature’s beautiful creatures, I hope you feel empowered to pick a leaf off the ground and spit it back onto yourself.
like, being visible as lgbt is rarely even a good or nice thing let alone a privilege. at best it’s uncomfortable and at worst it’s actively dangerous, bc, u know, homophobia and transphobia!
and yeah sometimes visibility can be a good thing!! like if i was going to a gay club and i wanted other women to know that i’m a lesbian then being read as such would be handy, but i don’t have that level of control over my visibility – if i want to be read as a lesbian to women in a gay club i can’t choose not to be read as a lesbian by the men there, the people outside, my taxi driver, etc. etc. my visibility can be very dangerous! it’s a constant mental maths of who is and isn’t safe to let know and even then they might read me as a lesbian anyway! and that’s only talking about personal aesthetic types of visibility let alone the visibility of lesbians as a whole in culture and media which i have no control over and often sucks!!!
this issue is v important for trans women especially bc being closeted and passing as a cis man or being out and passing as a cis woman can be so important for their safety and survival, be that in emotional, physical, or mental health.
so basically if you’re asexual or similar and you’re complaining about lgbt people being privileged or oppressing you bc they have more visibility actually think for a second about what you’re saying and the violence you’re idealising.
this goes for non-binary people as well!! i’ve met dozens of NB people who are under the impression that somehow trans women have it easier than them because people “know what we are” or “know that we exist” and honestly it’s the opposite of the truth; that’s what makes it that much harder for us.
i know it’s exhausting to not be recognised for who you are but you need to stop and think about what would happen to you, and what IS happening to people because bigots DO know
hey guys friendly reminder from your fave Canadian that esk*mo is a slur so please don’t use it!
I see it usually in the context of “esk*mo kisses” which may pop up when people talk about their ships and their headcanon, but it means “snow eaters” in cree and is a slur against Inuit people so please just don’t use it!
and I would appreciate if u reblogged this because people outside Canada don’t seem to know this for the most part
Also if you want to refer to ‘‘eskimo kisses’‘ and not use that term the Inuit term for it is ‘‘kunik’‘. It’s a traditional greeting usually between relatives or a child and an adult, although it’s a little different from nose kisses so most Canadians call it ‘‘Inuit kiss’‘ and I’ve heard other people call it ‘‘bunny kisses’’. Either way there’s no excuse to use ‘‘eskimo’‘ in this context or another.
Extremely handy if you follow a lot of people and hate missing anything good.
Best Stuff First moves the best stuff on your dashboard—mhm!—right up to the top.
It’s rolling out this week on iOS and Android, and comes with this Help Center article.
Thanks! ✌️
Head’s up folks! Tumblr decided to shit the bed and go non-chronological!
This bullshit is being rolled out this week and it’s going to be default!
Ah yay, another feature to deactivate immediately!
here’s the text about it being default and how to turn it off but in an accessible format… “By default, we put stuff you seem to like most at the top of your dashboard in the app. If you’d prefer a chronological feed, you can turn it off:
Tap the account icon (the little human).
Tap the gear wheel icon.
Tap “Global settings” (iOS) or “General settings” (Android).
Tap “Dashboard preferences.”
Turn off “Best stuff first.”
We’ll still sprinkle some recommended posts around your dashboard, but they’ll have labels like “Since you’ve been gone” and “In your orbit” so you know why they’re there.“
None of that advice seems to work on mobile devices btw…could be wrong, but so far I can’t seem to turn it off.
I don’t think it’s rolled out to everybody just yet. I don’t have the option to turn it off yet either, but my posts are also not yet out of order. Small blessings?
This is a heads up that when that Confederate show starts coming out–the one about the South winning and slavery becoming a modern institution and alldat. Yeah, when it starts syndication, and I see any of you chucklefucks putting gifsets, meta, fic, etc on my fucking dash uncritically, I’m blocking you. Like, I don’t like announce blocking folks a lot but I’m deadass about this shit. This is the most insensitive, inept, uninspired, and unimaginative piece of shit fictional media I have ever seen given a greenlight…and it’s on a premium network (because no regular network would probably greenlight this shit).
My hope is that as this announcement gains steam, we can kill this shit before a pilot can even be filmed and test shots done. My hope is that people solicited for roles in this show turn this down and have some integrity to not support this ugly ass white people wet dream. My hope is that folks can have some fucking respect and decency but…I see how some of y’all be acting when shit like this happens.
So! If you start supporting that show’s ratings and putting shit on my dash uncritically, you’re getting blocked. And then I’m going to personally track you down and pop off on you, your moms, your pops, your spouse, your kid(s), AND take your pets.
We had a fun/absurd national moment watching Comey testify today, but now that’s over and as citizens there’s basically nothing we can do to affect the Russia investigation (unless you’re plotting a honeypot mission to Mar-a-Lago in which case: godspeed, heroines). But we CAN do something about (one of) the other terrible thing(s) happening, which is Mitch McConnell wrangling the ACA repeal through the Senate.
Remember when the House passed a monstrosity of a health care bill and we were all sure it was DOA in the Senate? Reports suggest not much has changed in the Senate version of that bill which, even though it doesn’t exist yet (or does and is being kept under wraps), good ol’ Mitch has taken steps to fast-track (skipping committee and going directly on the Senate Calendar for a vote). Ben Wikler has put out the all-call; if you prefer your action on Twitter, this is the link.
–> We need another sustained public outcry against taking a health care bill to the Senate floor that bears any resemblance at all to the House bill.
HERE’S YOUR TO-DO LIST:
1. Program the Capitol switchboard # into your phone: (202) 224-3121
2. Make as many calls as you possibly can every day. Set a phone reminder.
3. Recruit friends from these states to call. ALL reps need their phone lines tied up, but these reps could be the swing votes.
4. Ask for the Health Legislative Assistant for your senator. Here are their names! TELL YOUR STORY. Or your dad/grandma/sister/friend’s story. Healthcare touches us all. It’s their job to listen to this stuff specifically.
5. Go to your local Congressional office: demand to be seen, wait there, take photos and videos, post them online. Don’t wait to see the wave of action to be inspired–start the wave yourself. Everybody can be a hero every day in the Age of Trump.
6. Get creative! Get tambourines and a bullhorn. Make loud signs. Bedazzle your jean jacket with “Save the ACA.” Or just pick up the phone. We are all GLOBALLY EXHAUSTED, and it hasn’t even been 5 months. But we have the power to make enough noise to break through the insanity out there [& in our brains] and make sure health policy remains humane, and represents the best of America, not the worst.
HELLO EVERYONE!!! MY GOD WE’RE SO TIRED, BUT PUTTING IN WORK ACTUALLY HELPS US BE LESS TIRED, OR AT LEAST THE SAME TIRED IN A GOOD WAY. MITCH MCCONNELL STILL WANTS TO FAST-TRACK THE AHCA THROUGH THE SENATE WHICH WILL LITERALLY KILL MILLIONS OF PEOPLE. Inform him, his colleagues and allies that that would be a mistake.
alder-knight 