Before I got testosterone prescribed by an endocrinologist, I had to sign informed consent. The problem is, that it seems to be quite impossible to fully understand what you’re consenting to. And no one was able to explain me all of it.
I fully understood the physical consequences that I could expect, that were known. I knew about the facial hair, body hair, balding patterns, libido, oily skin, muscle mass, probably becoming infertile, fat distribution, acne, clitoral growth, change of body odor, etc. I had researched it all, for years. I also understood that the hormones wouldn’t exactly change my personality, but that they could change the way I felt things and how I’d react. I understood it could become harder for me to cry, that I might get angry easier and that emotions and events could affect me less or more intensely.
What I didn’t realize, is that one day, I might actually meet women
that are just like me (in real life!), but don’t change their bodies.
And what I definitely didn’t understand was that these women and
lesbians would not recognize me, but see me as a cisgender man instead.
And treat me as such. No one could have explained me what this feels like.
I did not understand at that time, that when I consented to being assigned to use male bathrooms forever, it didn’t just mean that I would never get angry and disgusted stares from women anymore. No one told me that in many cases, the stall is closed/non-existent/too exposed, or so dirty that I can’t sit. No one told me that if you very often don’t sit or try to pee as little and as quickly as possible, you can get some trouble with your pelvic muscles. I have problems with relaxing in any kind of situation now.
No one told me that taking testosterone could make me feel even more alienated from both men and women.
No one told me that straight women being attracted to me feels very different from lesbian women being attracted to me.
What I didn’t understand was that I could one day change my mind, and stop taking any kind of hormones. I also didn’t realize that I’d become sincerely afraid of the tissue of my reproductive organs being changed in some kind of way by the high levels of testosterone. In a way that’s dangerous to my health.
No one could tell me that I hadn’t met the right people yet, before I could make a proper informed decision. No one reminded me that until that point, nobody had really loved me romantically exactly for the way I am. I had only been loved despite my butchness, or despite my body. And nobody told me that it is actually possible to be loved and desired the way I was, in a way that I could believe.
Nobody ever told me that it wasn’t necessary to take testosterone if I wanted to get a double mastectomy.
I couldn’t know that I consented to somethingI could actually regret. I didn’t know I consented to something that would at some point make me feel like I betrayed myself, and the girls like me.
I didn’t understand what I consented to and I don’t think that that endocrinologist will ever be able to understand this.
I am not against informed consent. But there has to be some kind of way to improve the information and the deeper understanding of the consequences.
My science literacy is insufficient to parse this article, but it is about gene therapy for transgender patients as an alternative to hormone replacement therapy. Somebody smarter than me, tell me when I can stop sticking myself with needles and just download the cells to do the hormoning for me.
Cellulite is a female secondary sex characteristic and should be celebrated as a rite of womanhood, not despised or eradicated.
it’s really a secondary sex characteristic?!
It is. It has to do with the way our bodies network fat. Female bodies create sort of a mesh network to support fat (female bodies are MUCH more hardy in times of stress) and it can present as delightfully lumpy. More than 90% of women have visible cellulite, but all women store fat in this manner.
why did no one tell me this?!
You know why
Spread this. I only just started to see mine and I started to freak out a bit. More people should/need to know about this
Here’s an illustration of the aforementioned difference in fat storage.
Men’s lattice pattern collagen threads holds subcutaneous fat in a way that, when the skin expands because of the fat storage, it expands evenly. Women’s “pockets” expand unevenly when we accumulate fat, creating that orange peel effect. Our storage pattern means we can healthily store more fat than men. Like a woman with 25% body fat is average, a man with 25% body fat is chubby. Because of that, like OP said, women are hardier in times of stress or famine. It’s also one of the reasons why our bodies can survive pregnancy, which is a massive energy demand on our system.
And there’s absolutely NO “treatment” for cellulite that will work. They are all bullshit designed to separate you from your hard-earned cash. It’s a secondary sex characteristic, it’s perfectly normal and it’s not going away no matter what you do. Like I’m very lean myself and I work out 5~6 times a week, and I still have cellulite. Someone giving a woman shit for having cellulite is akin to giving her shit for having skin. It’s just a mixture of misogyny and corporate greed.
Love your lumpy skin, ladies. It means you are a badass surviving machine shaped by millenia of evolution.
holy shit. I knew fat distribution was one of the things to change when a trans person starts hormone therapy – I had NO IDEA cellulite was a secondary sex characteristic. I just checked some spots online and yes, it’s one of the things you gain when starting estrogen and lose when starting testosterone. that’s fascinating!
Zak: I’ve only been on the gel and Adrian has only been on injections, so neither of us can give a breakdown of the pros and cons of both given our own experience. If you’d like to hear from someone who has been on both, I’d recommend asking Chase about what he personally sees as the pros and cons of each. Based on my experiences with Androgel and talking to lots of people on injections, here’s a bit of a list:
The Gel
Pros: Stable amount of hormones in your system every day (so no peaks and valleys in terms of hormones), no needles, easy to apply without any help/training/experience
Cons: More expensive (especially without insurance), may risk testosterone exposure to others (I haven’t had a problem with this at all, though other people have), have to apply every day
Injections
Pros: More affordable, only need to be done once per week (or every other week, depending), no risk of testosterone exposure to others
Cons: Needles, may experience minor emotional symptoms around the end of your hormonal cycle (around the time of your next shot, because of hormone fluctuations)
Some of the cons on either side are deal-breakers for some people. For me, the thought of giving myself a shot once a week was completely out of the question. For someone without insurance that covers HRT, the idea of spending hundreds of dollars on the gel could be infeasible, if not impossible. Also, what might be a con to one person could be a pro to another. For instance, I actually liked having to apply Androgel every day instead of once a week when I first started my transition. I felt like I was working a little bit toward my transition every single day, and I thought that was pretty cool. If I accidentally miss a day it is also much less of a big deal than if someone were to be very late on their shot or skip a week. These days, applying every single day is a part of my morning routine and not really a con to me. For someone else, though, applying everyday might be a huge hassle that wouldn’t be worth it to them.
Either way, you’re getting testosterone in your system. Both ways are pretty much equally safe and effective. The major differences are price, needles, and the risk of exposure to others.
alder-knight 