“Oscar gets more unsolicited comments about how cute he is, more uninvited pinches on the cheek and ruffles of the hair and demands for affection from strangers, than anyone else I know. I made a point, from when he was very young, of teaching him to express his discomfort: he says ‘I want some space’; he says ‘I feel shy’; he says ‘I don’t want you to touch me’; he says ‘I don’t like that, please stop.’ These statements from him are almost always laughed at, and then ignored, until I step in on his behalf.”
Kids no matter how small are fully conscious people who can have a strong sense of being patronized and disrespected. I remember being barely two and furious at how adults would talk about me like I couldn’t understand or wasn’t listening, then talk to me like they might talk to an animal.
I never touch ppl’s kids without their consent yikes I didn’t know this was a thing
There is a growing (but still extraordinarily small) number of people who are raising their kids with they/them pronouns from birth, which almost always also entails keeping the child’s ASAB private (to varying degrees). My partner and I are parents who’ve chosen to raise our child in this way.
I believe it’s one of the best decisions we’ve ever made. It’s been a gift to offer our little one greater flexibility, increased choices and options, and fewer limits on their possibilities. They are happy and flourishing. I am so blessed to be able to network with other parents who’ve also made the same call and are blazing this trail.
It’s socially inconvenient at times. It requires a certain amount of bravery. An ability to hold strong in the face of the inevitable push buck. But I think it’s worth it to give a child a more gender diverse upbringing.
Pronouns are categorizing words. If you’re attempting to raise a child with greater gender freedom, you must contend with the fact that by using he or she, because of their traditional gender associations, you are coercively gendering your child.
At the very least, it’s a question that should be considered. I’m surprised by the number of queer parents who don’t even think about it. Perhaps you decide you can’t do it for whatever reason…but assuming a gender based on external genitalia is no bueno, and I know so many folks who agree with that statement who still do that thing with their babies.
This is just gentle encouragement to take the dive.
alder-knight 