executive dysfunction is telling yourself for two and a half hours that you need to shower bc you smell like your workplace and you absolutely Cannot do Anything Else until you shower, doing Any Other Thing before showering is illegal!!! but you still haven’t for some reason??? you’ve just been sitting on your bed in a towel scrolling tumblr for 2+ hours thinking “I need to shower right now immediately” and growing increasingly frustrated that you are still not clean and you haven’t eaten or done your laundry either
ok actually no I’m reblogging this because a) I am clean now (and I smell amazing, thank you), and b) I had a heckin Realize and I wanted to share it with y’all in the hopes it’ll help someone else with a brain like mine.
I figured something out about myself a long time ago– it’s only just now occurred to me that I was in fact solving a problem caused by executive dysfunction, and I haven’t been implementing this solution lately because my brain went “that’s a relatively new term to me and therefore a Different problem that requires a Different solution”. thanks a lot, brain.
anyway, long long ago, before I knew these fancy schmancy Official words, the problem, as I phrased it to myself, was such:
sometimes I get Stuck. I was doing something, or on my way to doing something, and then… I just. got stuck.
“Stuck” looks like refreshing my feed or dashboard repeatedly. or it looks like staring at a spot on the wall. or chewing my fingernails. or picking at a stubborn sticker. all the while, my brain drifts through various unrelated topics I wouldn’t be able to recall if asked. sometimes I can get Stuck for hours before realizing I am Stuck. sometimes I get so Stuck that I go to bed that way (feeling especially bad for being unproductive) and I have to just reset everything by sleeping.
one day I asked myself, “why is this happening? why am I stuck, right now, at this moment in time?” the answer, as it turns out, was pretty simple: I was trying to make a decision, and I got distracted. I haven’t moved forward because I haven’t answered that one question or made up my mind.
let me rephrase this in terms of executive dysfunction: many people have expressed that it feels like knowing you need to do a thing but not feeling “ready” to do it. many with ADHD may also be familiar with the feeling of needing things to be “just so” before you embark on a task- you need your setup to look a certain way, or you need to set a timer, or have the right music playing, etc.
when I get Stuck it’s often because I got lost somewhere in that setting-up process, and my brain took the opportunity to nyoom off into Distraction Town.
getting myself Unstuck is solved, 95% of the time, by tracing my steps back to the original decision I was trying to make- often something small and inane- and then troubleshooting from there. (out loud! verbal processing is totally punk.)
“what was I trying to do?”
“was I trying to decide between two things?”
(the answer’s usually yes.)
“what were they?”
“okay, let’s decide.
“okay, that’s settled. let’s move on.”
and then I am free as a bird to nyoom in the direction of The Thing I Wanted To Do All Along, in the amazingly disorganized, scattered, yet rapid-fire way that I do many things.
so!!! in the case of my first post, where I hadn’t showered for 2 hours? turns out I had been trying to decide what music to listen to in the shower. (another hack: my chances of getting Stuck while showering decrease by 75% if I have music playing to help me keep track of time.) I couldn’t immediately make up my mind, got lost in thought, got distracted, and drifted. once I stopped and asked- “why am I stuck?”- then I remembered- “oh yeah! I wanted to listen to music”- and then decided- “I want to listen to Daft Punk’s Discovery album”- I was finally heckin able to shower. and also eat, and also throw my clothes in the dryer.
and may I add I only zoned out once, during the slow part of “One More Time.” 😛
I’m not saying this is a foolproof method. sometimes I don’t have a reason for being stuck, and that’s okay! I’m also not saying this is how every adhd brain works. it’s just how my brain works, and I’m sure there’s at least a few who can relate. for those few, I hope this helps!!
a lot of people are reblogging the original post without the update and leaving frustrated comments and that makes me sad! if I can find ways to hack my brain than so can you! executive dysfunction is a real and frustrating challenge, but don’t buy the lie that there’s no way to work with it or around it!!!
For people who want to use Dreamwidth, but are totally confused about how it works!
What is Dreamwidth?
Dreamwidth is a social media platform founded in 2009 after Strikethrough
It’s made out of a heavily-modified version of Livejournal code
It’s based around producing your own original content, and seeing original content other people post
The site is owned and run by fans and aims to provide creative people with an Internet home
Getting around your account
Your journal is like your “home”. It’s where you keep your stuff. It’s got different parts:
Recent Entries: View your posts in chronological order
(yourusername.dreamwidth.org)
Profile: Your “about” page
(yourusername.dreamwidth.org/profile)
Archive: See your posts as a calendar
(yourusername.dreamwidth.org/archive)
Tags: See all the tags you’ve used and go to their posts
(yourusername.dreamwidth.org/tag)
Memories: Like the “Likes” feature on Tumblr
You also have a “Reading” page (yourusername.dreamwidth.org/read)
This is like your Tumblr dash
It’s where you read entries from your “circle”, the people and communities you’re subscribed to
You can customize it a lot with filters and control who you see when
Finding new things
Listing an Interest in your profile is like getting listed in the phonebook. This is opt-in, choosing to say, “Yes! I’m really into this thing! Consider me a person who blogs about it!
Content Search is the more powerful way to search through the blog of everyone who’s opted into it, so you can look for everyone who’s posting about a certain thing right now. However, you’ll have to wade through a lot more junk.
Communities are Dreamwidth’s social hubs. They’re places where a lot of people can share content they’re interested in and talk to each other. Unlike Tumblr tags, they’re managed by specific people and have rules, so people behaving badly can get kicked out.
Paid members can see the Network page, which shows entries from everything everyone in your circle subscribes to. It’s a great way to discover new stuff and also learn what awful taste some of your circle members have
Latest Things is a direct firehose of EVERYTHING PUBLICLY POSTED TO THE SITE, HOMG
Privacy controls?! That’s a thing?!
You get to choose who sees your posts! You can make your posts public, private, or “locked”, which means only people you’ve added to your access list can read them
When you add a new person to your circle you can choose to subscribe to them, to make their posts show up on your Reading page, and/or to grant access, which lets them see your locked posts. You can do one, the other, or both!
Likewise, communities can make posts viewable to members only.
You can also create custom access filters, to allow only some of your access list to see a post.
Banning someone means they cannot leave you comments or send you messages. There are more advanced tweaks to make sure they never show up on your reading page if they post to a community you subscribe to, or remove them from the comments on a post.
Comments
The comments to a post are where the real fun happens.
Comments are sent to the email of whoever you’re replying to. They’re a real conversation. You’re not shouting into the void–you’re talking back directly to the post’s originator and other commenters.
You can edit your comment so long as it hasn’t been replied to, and you can delete your own comments.
The originator of the post, and administrators if it’s a community, can delete threads, or “freeze” them, leaving them intact but preventing anyone from replying to them.
You will add new skills to your resume
Dreamwidth leaves a lot more “backend” open so you can customize your experience to a huge degree. However, this means learning or using coding languages like HTML and CSS
The comment box on entries does not have a built-in text editor, so you will have to add your own HTML if you want to add <i>italic</i>, <b>bold</b>, or <a href=“http://websiteurl.com”>links</a>.
To any cis people following me that don’t understand why the possible change to the legal definition of gender in this country can and will ruin lives, I want to explain. I live in Tennessee, which, if you’re not aware, is the only state in which statute specifically forbids the changing of gender markers for a citizen (note that in Kansas and Idaho it is also not allowed, but it’s not specifically forbidden, and there are currently legal battles being fought over the issue).
As a trans person in Tennessee, I cannot change my legal gender in /any/ situation. I will always be a “male” in the eyes of the legal system, to the school system, to my workplace, etc. This is a constant no matter what I look like, what my “transition status” is; it literally doesn’t matter. If I am ever arrested, I will be brought to men’s jail or even men’s prison. The officer and the warden won’t look at me or my safety, they’ll look at my license and that alone. Understand the risk of violence and rape this puts me under, even though I am not involved in any sort of criminal activity, this is a constant threat I’m under as long as I live in the state.
Since there are, thankfully, no other obvious legal sanctions against the trans community of Tennessee, I can aim for a fairly traditional life trajectory while transitioning. I have an entry level job, I’m in college, and I even got hormone replacement through informed consent, which is legal in the state.
Despite this, my entry level job is just that: an entry level job. I make less than 9 dollars an hour and get fairly irregular shifts, which is absolutely impossible to live on. Understand that my trans status makes both this entry level job more difficult and impossible to get hired in any better employment. I get called slurs by coworkers constantly, including by management. Despite this terrible job, every attempt I’ve had at applying to other jobs has been shot down once I’ve given them my (masculine) birth name. I distinctly remember applying for a job that was looking promising until one of the people I gave my name to said “So, ___ as in a boy?” directly to my face.
Bare in mind I have a right to schooling, yes, but I ask you: what is the point of me being able to get my degree if I can’t get hired by anyone after I get that degree? Especially in my field of education, it is extremely difficult for anyone “non-conforming” to get hired. No one wants a teacher that the parents of students might raise an eyebrow to. Now this is an issue that might be subverted to an extent if I’m in a scenario where I “pass,” which is quite likely, but that “passing” gets shot down the second employment sees my birth certificate.
My only option as a trans person born in Tennessee, and an option I’ve come to terms with, is that I must leave my home state to live a life of any quality. If you’re a citizen of the state and something of an economic pragmatist with little sympathy for the trans position, than this is at the very least the loss of one more teacher in a state that is in the middle of education reform in desperate need of more teachers. At the most, this is the coerced expulsion of a marginalized person from your state, who represents the expulsion of many other transsexuals in similar situations.
Please understand that if the legal definition of gender becomes absolute and unchangeable in this country, the expulsion of transsexuals from Tennessee will go from state-wide to country-wide. That is, members of the trans community of the country with the amount of privilege necessary to relocate will relocate. Those without the relative privilege will become even more marginalized and impoverished. This is not a negligible issue, this is not the frog in the boiling water. This is a breaking point in our country.
oh my GOD .
he deleted the comment and blocked me i think but oh my god what a fucking idiot that was the entire point of my post
just to add, ohio is similar w gender markers; even with a court order, i cant fix my gender marker on my birth certificate, even tho i hardly even lived there, i was born there then we moved when i was like two, but im still stuck w the wrong gender marker cuz of ohio , and the new shit would only make it worse
It’s about this dude Henry who’s an artist living in New York,
and he has to go back to his hometown in Montana to take care of his grandfather who just recently had a stroke and is wheelchair-bound.
Things are all fine and dandy until Henry finds out that his old best friend from high school, as well as object of his unrequited affections that he’s never really been able to let go of is also back in town. His name is Dean. He’s there with his two sons to recoup from a recent divorce from his wife.
Henry is extremely frazzled by seeing his long-time crush after so many years, but they spend a lot of time together over the passing weeks and seem to fall into their old friendship very easily. Perhaps a little too easily….??? hmmm???
And with everything with Dean happening, Henry can’t be blamed that he’s entirely oblivious to Pike, the man who runs the local general goods store.
It’s obvious to us (and the whole damn town) that Pike’s been head over heels for Henry since high school, but is painfully shy. He can barely talk to Henry at all and it’s the cuTEST GODDAMN THING oh lord help me from this movie.
Throughout the movie, Pike can’t seem to help himself from wanting nothing more than to make Henry happy from afar. He’s supposed to be delivering food cooked by one of the older ladies in town to Henry and his grandfather’s house to eat every night, but Pike cooks his own, exceptionally better meals, and delivers those instead and tells no one.
Now, Henry does notice Pike, and something about him catches his attention. Even if he doesn’t understand why yet. He tries to invite him to stay for dinner almost every night in an attempt to get him to open up, but Pike only becomes more closed off when he notices what’s going on between Henry and Dean.
I’ll stop there, as I don’t want to give the whole thing away, but I can’t leave this without talking about the town’s residents in this movie. This place is 100% one of those little towns where everyone knows each other as well as their business, you have nosy little old ladies, dudes who do nothing all day but sit on the porch of the corner store and smoke a pipe, and they all go to church on Sundays.
AND YET, not only is this movie void of any homophobia from any character, basically the whole freaking town is all up in this whole love triangle. They support Pike so much that there’s even scenes where they all play matchmaker with him and Henry. They root for them in the goofiest, most loveable way.
SO BASICALLY, this is a silly romantic comedy, except gay. It’s all super lighthearted comedy with tiny bits of drama thrown in. No one dies!!!! No one is killed or commits suicide and has a 100% happy ending!!! The three main guys are just normal guys!!! There’s not a stereotype to be found here!! anD ONE OF THEM IS NATIVE AMERICAN. No seriously guys it hurts me that not everybody knows about this movie. I discovered it when I was in middle school in our video store’s tiny little LGBTQ section, and must have rented it 20 times throughout the years before I finally bought it. I know this movie almost frame by frame I’ve watched it so many times because it’s just so disgustingly cute and always makes me happy. NOW, this movie isn’t perfect. It’s got some clunky acting, weird.. I guess artsy moments that don’t make sense, and crosses into the line of cheesy quite a few times, BUT, that’s really not important. This is treated exactly as if it were a het romantic comedy. Their being gay has nothing to do with the overall story, and is never brought up save for a small plotline where Henry is guilty with himself for never coming out to his grandfather. But overall, more LGBTQ movies need to be like this, it’s just way too rare.
GO WATCH IT YOU’LL BE GLAD YOU DID. Sadly, the only way I know to get ahold of it is to just buy the DVD. But it’s fairly cheap on Amazon! And even cheaper if you buy it used on there, but either way I promise it’s worth it to own. Like I said, I think I kept our video store in business from my renting it so many times.
Oh, and I hope you enjoy country music to some extent because this has the countriest soundtrack of all time.
alder-knight 